Deep thought of the day

Driving from home for a long day at Old Navy, I was amazed as how much God has blessed me there lately. As you all know - there are days that I come home hating my job - but lately, that hasn't been the case. Lately I've been praying more about my work situation and praying that God would sent customers to me that would want to open Old Navy Accounts so that I would be on target with my accounts so that my managers would be happy and I wouldn't be "forcing" people who didn't want accounts to get them. I hate pushing accounts on people that don't want them, but I also hate feeling like I'm failing my employers - it's been a very stressful situation. So I've been praying about it a lot, and in the last 2 days that I've been there I was able to open accounts for 5 people - and they all just came up and asked me about it. The adverage chance that someone would come and ask is maybe 5 per week in the whole store - and I've had 5 in 2 days! It's amazing and I know it's only possible through God's grace. My managers are happy with me, and for the first time since I started I'm above target with my account goals (1 per shift). I know it's a rather frivilous thing to be praying about, but I'm amazed at how much God cares about my work performance in the whole sceme of the world!

My other thankfulness of the week has ben my break-up with Pat. As I look back, I'm thankful for the friendship, and the relationship, and amazingly enough, the break-up. February before we started dating I felt like I was walking on egg-shells with so many questions going through my mind about him and how we felt about each other and everything else. And now I know - he's a wonderful friend, but now what God has planned for me. I think that if we hadn't dated we wouldn't have found that out, and our friendship would always be plagued with those questions. I'm so amazed at how God has worked this all out for me. I don't know how Pat's feeling, but I'm at peace about it all. And I can't wait to move on with the next chapter of my life at grad school, and my only prayer for Pat nad I is that we do manage to remain friends. I don't know how he's feeling about it - but I'm confident that I can go back to just being his friend without my heart ending up in romantic entanglements.

I'll end with this - GOD IS AWESOME!!! I have such a peace about life and school and everything that I haven't had in a long time - and I know it's all thanks to God.


And with that said . . . I'm gonna go get some writing done.

Final thought of the night

As I read back over my entry from the 24th I realize something - in the entry I talked about how I want back what I had at the beginning of the year - and right now, that's what I'm getting.

At the beginning of the year my life was about God and about relationships. Not only with Pat but with all my friends. And I want that back. I want back that newness of life that I felt then when I believed and knew that anything was possible. I want back the excitement of getting into grad school and the joy of sharing my life with other people.

And I'm just now realizing that I can have all of that again. I think the reason that I feel so good about life is that I now know without a doubt that my friends are my friends because of me and not because I was dating Pat - and I know I'll keep in touch with them for me and not because of Pat - and that's a liberating feeling.

And since I think this entry is only making sense to me . . . I'm gonna stop typing now!