(no subject)
Oct. 24th, 2004 05:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
whiteinkI really can't take it anymore.
I'm overworked.
I'm underappreciated.
I'm homesick for a place that isn't home.
I'm unable to face reality.
I'm done.
Clarion isn't home anymore - I have to face that. IV and Harvest and such - it's not where I am. Where I am is a very liberal campus that doesn't agree with my morals and where I can't fins any support. And yet - it's where I am and that's the reality I have to face.
I have to learn that I now live in a very secular world. I don't have the ability to be a "cross hugger" or "live for an audience of one" or any other cute little phrase that litters so many people's IM profiles. That's not my life.
I don't know what my life is - but right now it feels like I can't be the type of Christian that I so desire to be. I can't be a Christian the way that I was in Clarin because here in the real world I don't have what I had in Clarion.
All that I have here in the real world are memories of what used to be.
And those memories are changing and growing without me . . . and that hurts me so much more then they can ever imagine.
And so I'm at a crossroads.
Maybe it's time to give my memories up
and let them be
just
memories.
I'm overworked.
I'm underappreciated.
I'm homesick for a place that isn't home.
I'm unable to face reality.
I'm done.
Clarion isn't home anymore - I have to face that. IV and Harvest and such - it's not where I am. Where I am is a very liberal campus that doesn't agree with my morals and where I can't fins any support. And yet - it's where I am and that's the reality I have to face.
I have to learn that I now live in a very secular world. I don't have the ability to be a "cross hugger" or "live for an audience of one" or any other cute little phrase that litters so many people's IM profiles. That's not my life.
I don't know what my life is - but right now it feels like I can't be the type of Christian that I so desire to be. I can't be a Christian the way that I was in Clarin because here in the real world I don't have what I had in Clarion.
All that I have here in the real world are memories of what used to be.
And those memories are changing and growing without me . . . and that hurts me so much more then they can ever imagine.
And so I'm at a crossroads.
Maybe it's time to give my memories up
and let them be
just
memories.
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I love you!
Date: 2004-10-24 06:46 pm (UTC)"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
God has you where He does for a specific plan and purpose. And even though those plans don't have you in IV or at Harvest, He's going to use what you learned here to make you strong and to make the world better. You can be whoever you want to be but never forget where you came from and what God has brought you through. I love you bunches and you're always in my prayers!
to the glory of God