(no subject)

[whiteink]

I really can't take it anymore.

I'm overworked.
I'm underappreciated.
I'm homesick for a place that isn't home.
I'm unable to face reality.
I'm done.


Clarion isn't home anymore - I have to face that. IV and Harvest and such - it's not where I am. Where I am is a very liberal campus that doesn't agree with my morals and where I can't fins any support. And yet - it's where I am and that's the reality I have to face.

I have to learn that I now live in a very secular world. I don't have the ability to be a "cross hugger" or "live for an audience of one" or any other cute little phrase that litters so many people's IM profiles. That's not my life.

I don't know what my life is - but right now it feels like I can't be the type of Christian that I so desire to be. I can't be a Christian the way that I was in Clarin because here in the real world I don't have what I had in Clarion.

All that I have here in the real world are memories of what used to be.

And those memories are changing and growing without me . . . and that hurts me so much more then they can ever imagine.

And so I'm at a crossroads.



Maybe it's time to give my memories up





and let them be




just




memories.

Comments

Gone but not forgotten

[jepkemboi.livejournal.com]

I thought of you this weekend more than you can imagine. I knew that there was no where else you would rather be than at the foot of that cross praying with us, or squished into the back of Adri's car, or praying in the back of the room as I bawled my eyes out and the girls held me, or watching Adri dance ridiculously to "Days of Elijah". I missed you so much and I thought this weekend about how much things had changed, and how much they are going to change even more. I told Krista that I don't know what I will do when all you girls are gone. You have been the backbone of my Christian walk and you have all inspired me to keep pressing on, even when I want to give up. So many memories of Clarion have you in them. It's not about IV, its about the people. But the thing we have to remember is, our faith is not dependent on people. It's dependent on God. And we don't have to be in a certain place with certain friends to worship him or live our lives for him. We will continue to branch off over the years and start our own lives, but we can remember that we have amazing sisters who love us, no matter how many miles separate us. Don't give up, even though everything around you may seem hopeless. God loves those people on your campus and in your classes, and He wants you to love them too. And I know He put you there to shine His light, because He knew you were strong enough to fight the tide. And we are praying for you and you are not forgotten. We have to move on so God can stretch us and grow us. And He will prosper you wherever you are. We talked this weekend about how the Christian life is not meant to be easy. In order to take part in the grace of Jesus, we need to partake in his suffering as well. Check out Philippians 3:8-10. I love you Rachel and I'm praying for you. Stay strong and don't lose heart!

I love you!

[sportybrat-02.livejournal.com]

Philippians 1:3-6
"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

God has you where He does for a specific plan and purpose. And even though those plans don't have you in IV or at Harvest, He's going to use what you learned here to make you strong and to make the world better. You can be whoever you want to be but never forget where you came from and what God has brought you through. I love you bunches and you're always in my prayers!

to the glory of God