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Aug. 25th, 2004 04:00 pmIt's about an hour short of 3 days since I last taked to Pat. And I miss him, but having him leave in the manner that he did has really made me re-evaulate things. It's really made me see that I've allowed myself to get far away from God. It took Pat's words to me 3 days ago to make me see that I needed God to be first in my life again, and that I needed to allow God to rule my thoughts and desires. Lately I've allowed myself to be rules by my desires for me life. I've allowed myself to become preoccupied with what I want that I never stopped to look around and see what God wanted.
So now I enter a new chapter in my life. Grad school starts exactly 7 days and 2 hours from this moment. I'm looking at jobs and apartments in Pittsburgh and it's my true intention that this be a new chapter in my life. And while this chapter is going to be influenced by the past chapters, I need to remember that this chapter has yet to be written. I can make it anything that I want it to be - more importantly - I can make it be anything that God wants it to be.
Maybe this chapter will find me falling in love with missions, with a new church, with a new school. Whatever this chapter has instore for me - I'm ready for. I'm excited to see what challenges and praises that God will bring my way. I'm excited about the new people that I'm going to be meeting and the new things that I'm going to be experiencing.
The only thing that's tarnishing is letting go of the past. I've allowed my past to rule me, and I have to overcome that. In relationships I've allowed past mistakes to rule the way I view people - and I don't want to live like that anymore. I don't want to love like that anymore. I need to forgive myself and others for the past mistakes in our lives and I need to live for the future instead of the past. I don't remember where I heard this, but this quote comes to mind: "God works in the future while Satan works in the past." How true this is.
I pray that I can hold onto friends and relationships that I have left in Clarion. There are so many there that are precious to me that I can't imagine my life without. But I also pray that I allow myself to move forward with the changes that are occuring in my life. Most importantly - I pray that God will guide us all and watch over us all as we embark on the adventures of this upcoming school year.
So now I enter a new chapter in my life. Grad school starts exactly 7 days and 2 hours from this moment. I'm looking at jobs and apartments in Pittsburgh and it's my true intention that this be a new chapter in my life. And while this chapter is going to be influenced by the past chapters, I need to remember that this chapter has yet to be written. I can make it anything that I want it to be - more importantly - I can make it be anything that God wants it to be.
Maybe this chapter will find me falling in love with missions, with a new church, with a new school. Whatever this chapter has instore for me - I'm ready for. I'm excited to see what challenges and praises that God will bring my way. I'm excited about the new people that I'm going to be meeting and the new things that I'm going to be experiencing.
The only thing that's tarnishing is letting go of the past. I've allowed my past to rule me, and I have to overcome that. In relationships I've allowed past mistakes to rule the way I view people - and I don't want to live like that anymore. I don't want to love like that anymore. I need to forgive myself and others for the past mistakes in our lives and I need to live for the future instead of the past. I don't remember where I heard this, but this quote comes to mind: "God works in the future while Satan works in the past." How true this is.
I pray that I can hold onto friends and relationships that I have left in Clarion. There are so many there that are precious to me that I can't imagine my life without. But I also pray that I allow myself to move forward with the changes that are occuring in my life. Most importantly - I pray that God will guide us all and watch over us all as we embark on the adventures of this upcoming school year.
