Thoughts

Yes, my alarm goes off for work in less the 4 hours . . . but I have to say this.

I was reading back through my livejournal and my deardiary from November to March - the point where Pat and I started getting to be best friends, and then turned into girlfriend and boyfriend. And I was amazed at what I had written. I was so totally gone on my best friend, and I was so happy.

And right now - that's not the case, and I wonder - where has that gone? Could it be possible that I was that in love and have lost it? And suddenly I realized what else was wrong with that picture. Throughout all the entries about Pat and how close we were becoming, God was always there. I was praising Him for it, and giving Him thanks and glory for it. And lately - I've been taking God for granted. Since moving back home I've become complaicent about God and haven't really done much to grow closer to Him. I've allowed myself to slide away from God - and in light of that it's no wonder that I find myself far away from the guy that spent his summer with God in Kenya relying on Him at every turn.

And I want it all back. I want to take back the passion that I had for God just a few short months ago, and I want to take back the love that I had for Pat. And I don't want it to be to late to fix everything that I feel like is going wrong. I want it all back! It's like tonight I suddenly had a "It's a Wonderful Life" moment - and I realized that I've been in a world lately that was void of my passion for God - and everything's been bad because of it. And I see what the world is without it - and I want it back!

I want this online journal to be about God and not about random quizzes. I want my life to be about God and His will and not my own desires. I want my relationship to be about God and not about me.

I want the prayer life and devo life that I had in Clarion. I want a change. I don't want to sit around and be stagnant anymore - I want to live for God and do whatever He calls me to do. I want to stop being stuck in my selfish desires and instead live out His will for my life.

I want a revival in my heart. And that is my prayer tonight. I pray for revival in my heart.

And since the concert is so recent in my mind:

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
~Word of God Speak

And:

Almost there, almost where I'm supposed to be
It's not all clear, but you keep showing me
With every step, the more my heart moves to your beat
Just like where I'm headed, there's joy in the journey

Teach me to think like you think
Show me the things that are true [ohh]
Finish the work you have started in me
As I'm on my way to you
As I'm on my way to you

Create in me a pure heart and make me new
Less of me, Jesus more of you
Here I stand, still I'm drawn down to my knees
It's not my strength, but Your's that carries me

Teach me to think like to you think
Show me the things that are true
Finish the work you have started in me

~On My Way to You