So This is Love . . .
Aug. 30th, 2004 11:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
whiteinkI picked up a copy of I Kissed Dating Goodbye today (ok - y'all can stop laughing now!) And this time when I read it, I'm actually going to try and learn something from it, instead or reading it and thinking, "that's nice" and going back to my dating lifestyle.
Reading the first chapter, I was immediately hooked when Joshua Harris was talking about a relationship that he had in high school that ended after a missions trip had kept them apart for 2 months. Gee - talk about hitting home.
And from there, the first chapter made more and more sense. And I realized a few things:
I have always lived from one guy to the next. It doesn't matter if in those relationships I stayed "sexually pure" or not - regardless, I have allowed myself to live from one relationship to the next. I don't actually know the first thing about being pure in body and heart. I have never allowed myself to be in a relationship for the good of God - I've always managed to make it about me, and how a relationship can benefit me - and if it glorified God in the process - great! And I want that to change.
I want to live a life from now that it pure in body and heart. From this day on, I don't want to give away my kisses, or my "I love you's", or anything else tht I should hold dear to me on a guy that it's "the guy" - and I the only way to guarantee that is to actually kiss dating goodbye. I've lived my life believing that kisses don't mean much, and that "I love you's" don't matter much. I've forgotten how truly amazing a kiss should be, and how special the words "I love you" should be. I've allowed them to become common place things - and that isn't right. Kissing isn't something that I've ever felt convicted about - and I think that needs to change. No kissing till I'm married sounds like a radical concept - but maybe it's time for that in my life. As Joshua Harris writes, "I wanted to please Him in my relationships even if it meant looking radical and foolish to other people - even if it meant kissing dating goodbye."
I am truly at a point in my life where dating wouldn't be best for me. I'm past the age where "dating" happens because of a passing attraction. I'm to the age where I want to settle down and marry the right person - and that sort of relationship isn't going to be found in dating. Looking over my relationship past - Sam was dating, Derek was dating, Tudor was dating . . . and they were all disasters. Pat was courting . . . sort of . . . and it ended with a break-up, true - but it was successful . . . sort of . . . in the end. But in all of those relationships I was selfish in my pursuits - I was living for myself and my desires.
True love doesn't come in the form of passionate words or intimate embraces - instead it's an expression of self-control, patience, and words left unsaid. And as I begin a new chapter in my life - I realize that this is what I want for my own life. I want a life that stands out as radically different for Christ. I want a life that shows the world that I don't live by their standards, but rather by the standards of God.
I can't say that I have regrets about my relationship with Pat, because I don't - true, I wasn't of the "no kissing rule" camp, but I can't say that we did anything that I regret. Tudor . . . mmmm . . . I regret a lot of that relationship . . . but I can't dwell on regrets on non-regrets anymore. I can't justify kissing and whispering passionate words anymore - because I am all to aware how they can be said and not felt - and that's something that I don't want to go through again.
I'm not going to sit here and type up a list of things that a guy has to do to win my heart, but I know now that being best friends isn't enough, and that kisses and words should be saved till the wedding. And if that makes me a radical - so be it. I want to live a life that is drastically different from what the world has to offer, and this is the way that I feel led to do it.
My prayer for tonight: Lord God - give me strength to hold tight to my convictions. Help me to be a light for you in this dark world. Help me to shine your light at Chatham. Help me also to be radically changed by you. Change my mindset when it comes to dating. Help me to embrace the life that you want for me. Forgive me for the impurities of my past relationships both body and in heart. Guide me and show me how I am to live a life for you and not for myself. Teach me to glorify you in all I do and in the relationships and friendships that I pursue. help me to see others the way that you see them and not as potential dates. Help me to have the strength that I need as I begin the walk of kissing dating goodbye.
In your awesome name,
Amen.
Reading the first chapter, I was immediately hooked when Joshua Harris was talking about a relationship that he had in high school that ended after a missions trip had kept them apart for 2 months. Gee - talk about hitting home.
And from there, the first chapter made more and more sense. And I realized a few things:
I have always lived from one guy to the next. It doesn't matter if in those relationships I stayed "sexually pure" or not - regardless, I have allowed myself to live from one relationship to the next. I don't actually know the first thing about being pure in body and heart. I have never allowed myself to be in a relationship for the good of God - I've always managed to make it about me, and how a relationship can benefit me - and if it glorified God in the process - great! And I want that to change.
I want to live a life from now that it pure in body and heart. From this day on, I don't want to give away my kisses, or my "I love you's", or anything else tht I should hold dear to me on a guy that it's "the guy" - and I the only way to guarantee that is to actually kiss dating goodbye. I've lived my life believing that kisses don't mean much, and that "I love you's" don't matter much. I've forgotten how truly amazing a kiss should be, and how special the words "I love you" should be. I've allowed them to become common place things - and that isn't right. Kissing isn't something that I've ever felt convicted about - and I think that needs to change. No kissing till I'm married sounds like a radical concept - but maybe it's time for that in my life. As Joshua Harris writes, "I wanted to please Him in my relationships even if it meant looking radical and foolish to other people - even if it meant kissing dating goodbye."
I am truly at a point in my life where dating wouldn't be best for me. I'm past the age where "dating" happens because of a passing attraction. I'm to the age where I want to settle down and marry the right person - and that sort of relationship isn't going to be found in dating. Looking over my relationship past - Sam was dating, Derek was dating, Tudor was dating . . . and they were all disasters. Pat was courting . . . sort of . . . and it ended with a break-up, true - but it was successful . . . sort of . . . in the end. But in all of those relationships I was selfish in my pursuits - I was living for myself and my desires.
True love doesn't come in the form of passionate words or intimate embraces - instead it's an expression of self-control, patience, and words left unsaid. And as I begin a new chapter in my life - I realize that this is what I want for my own life. I want a life that stands out as radically different for Christ. I want a life that shows the world that I don't live by their standards, but rather by the standards of God.
I can't say that I have regrets about my relationship with Pat, because I don't - true, I wasn't of the "no kissing rule" camp, but I can't say that we did anything that I regret. Tudor . . . mmmm . . . I regret a lot of that relationship . . . but I can't dwell on regrets on non-regrets anymore. I can't justify kissing and whispering passionate words anymore - because I am all to aware how they can be said and not felt - and that's something that I don't want to go through again.
I'm not going to sit here and type up a list of things that a guy has to do to win my heart, but I know now that being best friends isn't enough, and that kisses and words should be saved till the wedding. And if that makes me a radical - so be it. I want to live a life that is drastically different from what the world has to offer, and this is the way that I feel led to do it.
My prayer for tonight: Lord God - give me strength to hold tight to my convictions. Help me to be a light for you in this dark world. Help me to shine your light at Chatham. Help me also to be radically changed by you. Change my mindset when it comes to dating. Help me to embrace the life that you want for me. Forgive me for the impurities of my past relationships both body and in heart. Guide me and show me how I am to live a life for you and not for myself. Teach me to glorify you in all I do and in the relationships and friendships that I pursue. help me to see others the way that you see them and not as potential dates. Help me to have the strength that I need as I begin the walk of kissing dating goodbye.
In your awesome name,
Amen.
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no subject
Date: 2004-08-31 10:11 am (UTC)And I know that you're not like, a Clay fan or anything, but he said something in an interview that I've never forgotten (and even saved on my comp) because it was just nice to know that some guys actually have high standards too. Anyway, here is what he said and I don't know if it's all totally accurate, because I don't know much about being in love myself, but I still like this:
Q: Have you ever used the word "love" romantically?
CLAY: No, I haven't. I don't like to use that word lightly. I don't think I've ever been in love. But I know I'll know when I am, and I think it is a serious issue. I'm kind of an old soul.
Q: What is love to you?
CLAY: I have a cousin who used to tell me, "You'll know you're in love when you care about the person you are with more than anything else, more than yourself; when they feel the same way about you and you have no idea why they do; and when you can't find the right words to say how you're feeling or you just can't understand why." I think that is what love is--when it's unimaginable to be away from the person, and you care about what makes them happy more than what makes you happy.
So yeah, I don't know if not saying "I love you" and not kissing makes you a radical in todays world -- okay, I lied...it does. But I guess it's better to be a radical then to look back and have like a serious of 10 relationships full of nothing but regrets over what was done or said. Gosh, I have friends who change guys like they change underwear. They say "I love you" after a few dates and a month later it's on to someone else because, "Oh, we fell out of love." Trust me, you don't want to get yourself wrapped up in something like that. Actually, they're the one reason why I have the views that I do about relationships now, like not saying "I love you" or kissing until you KNOW it's going somewhere and not wanting to date for fun but wanting to find the one you're going to marry...and since I'm not ready for marriage yet, I guess it's good I haven't dated.
I was even told that I was too picky when I said that I have yet to find any guys worthy of my time, lol. But hey, who cares, right? I know I want a godly man and a relationship that glorifies God, so if I too have to be radical (and maybe wait until I'm like, 80, lol) for that to happen, I KNOW it'll be worth it.
Okay, this post has turned into quote a long rant, lol. Sorry about that (and any typos you find), but I just wanted you to know that your decisions are not only really smart, but really encouraging to the rest of us ladies who want the same things out of our future Christian relationships. So keep strong and let us know what else God teaches you 'cause so far it's really, really good!
(((hugs)))
Magpie :)
no subject
Date: 2004-09-03 09:23 am (UTC)