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The True Definition of Love
Sep. 7th, 2004 01:07 am"The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, "This is love." God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, "This is love.""
So what is love? Love is Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. Love is being forgiven by the very God that made the universe and put every star into the sky. Love is knowing that we can and are fully forgiven by God by just calling out to Him and asking for it. Love is knowing that no matter what we may see as bad or wrong in our past, God forgives us, and still blesses us.
It's funny how finding out something about a good friend can throw my world into a mini-disaster. I don't know - I thought that I was ok with being single, but it amazes me how one piece of information can throw the idea of being ok out the window and replace it with a feeling of discontentment with my life. And I don't think that it started with this news - but rather this news threw all of my feelings into the forfront. I know, cryptic as always in my journal.
Lately I've felt like single life is a curse and not a blessing. I've felt like I'm being punished for sins in my past instead of being given a chance to grow and change as a person. And that's just not true. As a good friend pointed out tonight - a God that punishes doesn't sound like the God he follows . . . and he's right - it's not the God that I follow either. It's sjust a struggle lately to look at what I did have for a litle while that I don't have any more and see how it's a blessing. It's a struggle to see how single life is a blessing for me right now, when I desire so much to be in a relationship and on my way to married life. But at the same time, I know in my heart that it's not the right time for me to be in a relationship. I have grad school and that's challenging enought without a boyfriend thrown in. And who knows how I'll be able to grow and learn while I'm on my own - I know I'll be able to experience more being single then I would in a relationship for these next 2 and a half years. And who knows where I'll be, what I'll be doing, or where my goals will be in 2 and a half years. I may end up the missionary of the bunch in Africa or something yet - the future is totally unplanned at this point, and all I have to do is rely on God and trust that He has a plan for me.
As I read this chapter tonight I realized something. I realized that I'm not doing as well with single life as I thought. I'm ok with not dating Pat - but the idea of anyone else dating him . . . I hate that idea. And I realize that one day we are both going to date other people . . . and I don't know how I feel about that. And I don't know how I'm going to feel about the day that I find out he's seeing someone else. And I'm being selfish - and that's not fair at all.
I pray that God breaks me of my selfishness and instead teaches me to be more like Him - I pray that God will mold me into someone that could give up my life for my friends - because that is truly what love is. I pray that God will use this time of singleness to bring me closer to Him and to show me that all I really need in life is Him. And I pray that He heals my heart and makes me content to be single and wait for my prince and my wedding ring.
Like the song says:
So what I'm not your average girl
I don't meet the standards of this world
Chasing after boys is not my thing
See I'm waiting for a wedding ring
No more dating
I'm just waiting
Like sleeping beauty
My prince will come for me
No more dating
I'm just waiting
'Cause God is writing my love story
Boys are bad; that's certainly not true
'Cause God's preparing one for you
If you get tired waiting till he comes
God's arms are the perfect place to run
~Adverage Girl by Barlow Girl
In the meantime . . . I'm going to get myself the very pretty pearl and diamond ring that I found - and I'll let my prince buy me something full of diamonds someday. I'll let my pearl be my promise ring to myself that I will wait for my prince and that I won't allow my standards to be compromised from here on out.
(And before anyone wonders - no - my standards weren't compromised with Pat . . . but my new standards are going to be different then the ones I had in the past - that's all!)
So what is love? Love is Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. Love is being forgiven by the very God that made the universe and put every star into the sky. Love is knowing that we can and are fully forgiven by God by just calling out to Him and asking for it. Love is knowing that no matter what we may see as bad or wrong in our past, God forgives us, and still blesses us.
It's funny how finding out something about a good friend can throw my world into a mini-disaster. I don't know - I thought that I was ok with being single, but it amazes me how one piece of information can throw the idea of being ok out the window and replace it with a feeling of discontentment with my life. And I don't think that it started with this news - but rather this news threw all of my feelings into the forfront. I know, cryptic as always in my journal.
Lately I've felt like single life is a curse and not a blessing. I've felt like I'm being punished for sins in my past instead of being given a chance to grow and change as a person. And that's just not true. As a good friend pointed out tonight - a God that punishes doesn't sound like the God he follows . . . and he's right - it's not the God that I follow either. It's sjust a struggle lately to look at what I did have for a litle while that I don't have any more and see how it's a blessing. It's a struggle to see how single life is a blessing for me right now, when I desire so much to be in a relationship and on my way to married life. But at the same time, I know in my heart that it's not the right time for me to be in a relationship. I have grad school and that's challenging enought without a boyfriend thrown in. And who knows how I'll be able to grow and learn while I'm on my own - I know I'll be able to experience more being single then I would in a relationship for these next 2 and a half years. And who knows where I'll be, what I'll be doing, or where my goals will be in 2 and a half years. I may end up the missionary of the bunch in Africa or something yet - the future is totally unplanned at this point, and all I have to do is rely on God and trust that He has a plan for me.
As I read this chapter tonight I realized something. I realized that I'm not doing as well with single life as I thought. I'm ok with not dating Pat - but the idea of anyone else dating him . . . I hate that idea. And I realize that one day we are both going to date other people . . . and I don't know how I feel about that. And I don't know how I'm going to feel about the day that I find out he's seeing someone else. And I'm being selfish - and that's not fair at all.
I pray that God breaks me of my selfishness and instead teaches me to be more like Him - I pray that God will mold me into someone that could give up my life for my friends - because that is truly what love is. I pray that God will use this time of singleness to bring me closer to Him and to show me that all I really need in life is Him. And I pray that He heals my heart and makes me content to be single and wait for my prince and my wedding ring.
Like the song says:
So what I'm not your average girl
I don't meet the standards of this world
Chasing after boys is not my thing
See I'm waiting for a wedding ring
No more dating
I'm just waiting
Like sleeping beauty
My prince will come for me
No more dating
I'm just waiting
'Cause God is writing my love story
Boys are bad; that's certainly not true
'Cause God's preparing one for you
If you get tired waiting till he comes
God's arms are the perfect place to run
~Adverage Girl by Barlow Girl
In the meantime . . . I'm going to get myself the very pretty pearl and diamond ring that I found - and I'll let my prince buy me something full of diamonds someday. I'll let my pearl be my promise ring to myself that I will wait for my prince and that I won't allow my standards to be compromised from here on out.
(And before anyone wonders - no - my standards weren't compromised with Pat . . . but my new standards are going to be different then the ones I had in the past - that's all!)
